I want to be like the apostle Paul.
"I am not only ready to be tied up, I am ready to die for the Lord Jesus" (Acts 21:13)
Like Paul, I was caught up in a foolish life that was a lie.
I am a free bird now.
Like Paul I wanted to be done with everything foolish.
I am done with it all.
Like Paul who was persecuted and ridiculed for the radical life he chose to live,
I choose to live radically too.
Despite the stress.
Despite the confusion.
Despite the fear.
Despite the unknown.I am ok.
I can see.
I can hear.
I can dance.
I've been blessed.
It's time to give it all back to him who made me.
And trust that it will all work out.
I am ready to die for him.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Why numbers should stop controlling my life.
I have come to realize that I let numbers rule my life. They rule my life in the sense of I have assigned them the capability of manipulating my emotions and my definition of self. Whether it is my GPA in school, the number on the scale or the number on my bank statements, I have given numbers way too much power over me.
The other day, a rather intelligent person I know stopped and asked me why I give these things so much power. At first, I didn't know. I haven't always been this way. It started in my young adulthood. After thinking about what might have caused this shift in my approach at life, it dawned on me. Men. Yep. Men. My negative relationships with men, be it past boyfriends or my relationship with my father have not been what I would classify as healthy.
I have given away pieces of my heart to people who didn't deserve it and in ways that were not conducive to building me up as a strong and confident young woman.The result has been a very significant lack of control over my life and feelings of insufficiency in my life. Why my brain has converted these feelings into pursuing things I have more control of like grades, weight and finances, who knows. But something remains true:
I am more than my GPA.
I am more than a body.
I am more than a money making machine.
I am capable of accomplishing things for the glory of God.
I do not need numbers to measure how much I am worth.
It is not the end of the world if I get a B+.
Driving myself crazy over a stupid number on a scale is asinine.
People don't know (or care) what my grades in school are. They probably wont notice if I gain or lose a few pounds. They don't care how much money is in my bank. They will however, see if I am happy. They will notice if I am confidently pursuing my dreams instead of trying to please people.
And most importantly, God sees me for me. He doesn't stand there with a chart assessing me based on a bunch of stupid meaningless numbers.
This being said, I am making it my goal to stop measuring myself by such strict standards. Instead, I am going to measure me on the basis of how God sees me and what I am doing to advance his kingdom.
Dear Jesus, I know I fall into the lies of this world so often. Help me to see and acknowledge your presence within me today. I praise you today because I am fearfully and wonderfully made in your image. Let your light and love shine through me as I go about my day.
Yes, I love you Jesus. Amen
The other day, a rather intelligent person I know stopped and asked me why I give these things so much power. At first, I didn't know. I haven't always been this way. It started in my young adulthood. After thinking about what might have caused this shift in my approach at life, it dawned on me. Men. Yep. Men. My negative relationships with men, be it past boyfriends or my relationship with my father have not been what I would classify as healthy.
I have given away pieces of my heart to people who didn't deserve it and in ways that were not conducive to building me up as a strong and confident young woman.The result has been a very significant lack of control over my life and feelings of insufficiency in my life. Why my brain has converted these feelings into pursuing things I have more control of like grades, weight and finances, who knows. But something remains true:
I am more than my GPA.
I am more than a body.
I am more than a money making machine.
I am capable of accomplishing things for the glory of God.
I do not need numbers to measure how much I am worth.
It is not the end of the world if I get a B+.
Driving myself crazy over a stupid number on a scale is asinine.
People don't know (or care) what my grades in school are. They probably wont notice if I gain or lose a few pounds. They don't care how much money is in my bank. They will however, see if I am happy. They will notice if I am confidently pursuing my dreams instead of trying to please people.
And most importantly, God sees me for me. He doesn't stand there with a chart assessing me based on a bunch of stupid meaningless numbers.
This being said, I am making it my goal to stop measuring myself by such strict standards. Instead, I am going to measure me on the basis of how God sees me and what I am doing to advance his kingdom.
Dear Jesus, I know I fall into the lies of this world so often. Help me to see and acknowledge your presence within me today. I praise you today because I am fearfully and wonderfully made in your image. Let your light and love shine through me as I go about my day.
Yes, I love you Jesus. Amen
Saturday, July 23, 2011
How I feel about Jonah
When I was a child, the story of "Jonah and the big fish" always fascinated me. Fascinated me to the point that the pages of that story are well worn, torn, tattered and taped in the children's picture bible I still own. As a child, I took this story at face value, not really analyzing what exactly the story meant or how it could apply to my life as it was.
Now that I am older, hopefully wiser and more analytical, I am able to take such stories and dig deeper. It has occurred to me that often in this world, I found myself feeling a bit like Jonah. Afraid, and reluctant to do what I knew I needed to do. I ran as fast as I could in alternate directions to what God was truly calling me to. Attempting to lull out the calling to living a better, more wholesome life, I turned to worldly pursuits. Like men. Like parties. Like music so loud I couldn't even hear myself think. Like friends who were doing the exact same thing as I.
Why is it that the thought of being called to something higher causes something within us to freak out, and run away!
Maybe it's the unknown. Maybe it's the foolish thinking that "I know what's best for me". Maybe it's just us being childish and stubborn. Whatever it may be, the important thing is that we recognize our Jonah-like tendencies. If I have learned one thing in my social work education, and in life in general...cliche coming at you!....the first step is admitting you have a problem.
This is logical! Why would you think to fix something that you do not believe is broken?
It is only when we realize that we are afraid, stubborn and running away that we can truly analyze what the situation actually is. Once we know we are running we can establish:
1. What am I running from?
2. What about this situation makes me feel afraid/uncomfortable?
3. God says in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight"...am I truly doing this?
Ultimately, God knows what he's doing. Whether he sends a whale to eat you for 3 days and barf you on a shore, or whether he uses more subtle tactics like gentle persuasions within your heart, as long as deeper understanding is sought, you will find it. It is ok to feel uneasy about what you are being called to, God gets that! Be honest with him and tell him "I am scared right now, but I love you and I trust you."
Loving father, I pray that you bless my endeavors today. Let me to see your face in everyone that I meet. Allow me to complete my tasks according to your will with strength and boldness. Yes Jesus, I love you. Amen.
Now that I am older, hopefully wiser and more analytical, I am able to take such stories and dig deeper. It has occurred to me that often in this world, I found myself feeling a bit like Jonah. Afraid, and reluctant to do what I knew I needed to do. I ran as fast as I could in alternate directions to what God was truly calling me to. Attempting to lull out the calling to living a better, more wholesome life, I turned to worldly pursuits. Like men. Like parties. Like music so loud I couldn't even hear myself think. Like friends who were doing the exact same thing as I.
Why is it that the thought of being called to something higher causes something within us to freak out, and run away!
Maybe it's the unknown. Maybe it's the foolish thinking that "I know what's best for me". Maybe it's just us being childish and stubborn. Whatever it may be, the important thing is that we recognize our Jonah-like tendencies. If I have learned one thing in my social work education, and in life in general...cliche coming at you!....the first step is admitting you have a problem.
This is logical! Why would you think to fix something that you do not believe is broken?
It is only when we realize that we are afraid, stubborn and running away that we can truly analyze what the situation actually is. Once we know we are running we can establish:
1. What am I running from?
2. What about this situation makes me feel afraid/uncomfortable?
3. God says in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight"...am I truly doing this?
Ultimately, God knows what he's doing. Whether he sends a whale to eat you for 3 days and barf you on a shore, or whether he uses more subtle tactics like gentle persuasions within your heart, as long as deeper understanding is sought, you will find it. It is ok to feel uneasy about what you are being called to, God gets that! Be honest with him and tell him "I am scared right now, but I love you and I trust you."
Loving father, I pray that you bless my endeavors today. Let me to see your face in everyone that I meet. Allow me to complete my tasks according to your will with strength and boldness. Yes Jesus, I love you. Amen.
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